Leadership Reborn

I've been pondering leadership, observing leaders, and trying to improve myself as a leader. I've spent plenty of time confused in the abyss between my apparent lack of it and acknowledgement of how it does appear in my life. At other times, I've been paying close attention to both my criticisms of leaders and my admiration for them, looking for similarities and differences between us. Finally, at least now I can form better questions about leadership. For me, that's a good thing. It means I am getting closer to better answers.

Obviously, there is no leader without followers. Well, I've got followers. I've got plenty of them in terms of my doctor work. Thousands. They are patients. I know why I lead them, what it's about, and even how I lead them. But, as far as my position as the owner of this business, for a couple of reasons it's been hard for me to identify with Being the Leader. One of the things that perplexes me is that the staff is ever-changing. Whether it's that someone got married and has moved or was fired, the staff has come and gone. I wonder if that fact invalidates me as a leader. If people don't stick around, then how well did I lead? Don't followers want to stick around their leaders, I wonder? Or, do I have an old-fashioned view? For the longest time I believed staff would come and stay forever; becoming part of the irresistible conclusion of UHI's Success. They didn't. Does that mean I’ve been a lousy leader? On the other hand, I think of the staff who've left UHI to further their education in healthcare - to become chiropractic and medical doctors, craniosacral and massage therapists, acupuncturists and physical therapists; to open their own businesses - and I realize that many of them have thanked me and generously credited me as being the main influence for their pursuit. No, they don't stick around forever, but many of them keep in touch, and enthusiastically thank me for inspiring them toward their goals, giving me titles like "mentor" and "teacher" and "leader". So, apparently, I've led them to something. If I’ve led someone by my message, example, and achievement, to be, do or have something we all value, then I've had followers. I like that. But it’s not exactly what I want out of leadership.

If leadership is predicated on a result that exemplifies (a certain amount of) material success or impact on others, I've had some experience with leadership, but it hasn't been while I was fully conscious of it. A panoply of characteristics have served me in the process of growing my company. If I have to pick a dozen off the top of my head, I'd say I've been tenacious, intense, driven, passionate, compelling, persistent, amusing, persuasive, courageous, inspired, patient and sturdy. Though some of these may suffice as leadership characteristics, it is hardly a list from the Noblesse of Leadership. My list comes to mind because it's what's been reported back to me from people who’ve worked for me or been involved with UHI. These characteristics aren't a secret. I’m conscious of how I’ve behaved, felt, and communicated. These characteristics ring true. However, I'm not satisfied. It’s just a list of characteristics. A Leader is more than the sum of her characteristics. I'd like to do it better. I'd like to be a more elegant leader; to do it with more intention and facility. I'd like to be dynamic, heroic and magnetic. Why? Maybe I'd just like people to stick around a little longer, or just feel less lonely, or to celebrate more, or to feel more appreciated, or to be proud of having made something that’s sustainable and profitable and important. Maybe I just want to be recognized. Why do leaders do what they do, anyway?

Why do I keep working at growing UHI? Because I love it. Because I believe in it. Because UHI stimulates my brain, excites my muscles, sharpens my senses, brightens my day and lights up my heart. I want to take the energy of my body and mind along with the potential energy that rests in my business plan and put it to better use; to be a better leader for something that deserves the best leadership. It’s time to raise my game.

It's going to be awfully hard for me to be a leader if I don't do it with Intention. That means I have to target the goals I intend to achieve, and conceive of the followers who can join me to fulfill them for all of us. Then, I have to share the right information with the right people, with the enthusiasm I feel within. If I want to lead UHI better, towards the outcome I imagine, it's imperative for me to have a perpetual, single-minded focus. It’s my task to anticipate and answer the questions the people who work for me don’t even know they have. Without that clarity of purpose, I can’t be the leader I want to be. It’s time to stop being afraid of leadership, of waiting for it to happen. If it’s going to be, it’s up to me. This is my mission, my life, and my company. I know what I want it to bring to the world. Leadership starts with knowing I can’t do it alone. Leadership culminates with achieving the goal with people who say “I did it, too!”

The Something Missing Part

I reread some previous posts, plus my last post that was written over a year ago. I hardly feel like the same person. I feel like I've been gestating so long! Not that I've arrived, but that now, at least, I am born.

It was hard to write the blog, in general. Initially I thought it would be fun. Not so. I wondered about how to make sure I didn't complain about all of the stress...every day...all the time. I felt like what I had to say wouldn't be a blog. It would just be one bitch-session after the next. So, I focused on what was positive or what I was trying to do, and wrote about that. I restrained myself from expressing all of the fear and doubt I had about my business growing, my business problems and challenges. I didn't lie. I just didn't tell both halves of the experience.

I can feel the tension when I read the posts. I feel pain sometimes - just remembering the confusion and sense of restriction and tension.

About four years ago I asked one of my patients (who had a very successful business career) if he could explain what Leaders do. I felt baffled by the question. I thought if I got that answer I'd be in better shape. The funny thing is that he didn't know how to answer - or he did but I didn't know how to hear! It all seemed so fuzzy. I felt silly asking the question, and never asked anyone again. I did end up reading some books on leadership, too, after that. They seemed dry and contrived - or maybe out of my league.

I wrote something on the M3 yahoo group yesterday that was a note-to-self: Struggles don't determine where your business goes. How you respond to them does. As I read it I realized that it sounded like something I could have written about parenting. I've learned alot in parenting that has helped me answer the question about leadership. Leaders have to be incredibly generous. I don't think I knew how generous until I had kids (late in life; my first when I was 41). I don't mean generosity the way it is used in common language - that has to do with giving stuff. When I say generosity I mean a willingness to give, to be magnanimous, to think in terms of bounty, act with nobleness, not to be petty or caught in small mindedness; to create possibilities that are larger, more full and have a greater amplitude than that which exists. To be a leader means to jump into possibilities; it means to be vulnerable and brave at the same time; it means to share the good, and even the bad, sometimes! I thought the struggles would kill me. In fact, they have birthed me - and the business. And leadership.

In the last post I wrote I said I wanted to find out what was missing. I think I have found it when I say 'Leadership'. It's not enough to work, or work hard. I was taught to work hard, and that would be the key to success. I have had to change my thinking about it. I don't believe it anymore. I think the key is to Lead Well.

I love my work. It's not difficult to transform my work into play. It feels natural. It didn't feel natural to lead. Now it is starting to.

Feb 09 to Sept 09

January 2009 through August, 2009

Dr. Amelia Case reporting here from Chicago. Can it be possible I haven’t written a word this year?

When I won the CMI in April, 2005 we were asked to write a paragraph on the CMI Website Blog for our Make Mine a Million Sisters. In fact, we were asked to keep it to one-to-three paragraphs, tracking our journey to the million-dollar mark and beyond…what it is like to be a woman in business, growing a business, handling real-life problems and challenges and achieving success. I think I have written pretty steadily since then, mostly because I was told to, and gladly did it because I felt so grateful to be part of such an important group sharing such an important journey. However…

Writing a monthly paragraph about business…is like trying to tame a Tasmanian Devil while you’re sleep walking. Business moves so fast and there is so much going on in a single day that the blur is hard to distill into a clear concoction hour to hour (nevermind monthly). I now understand why people write about business after they’ve Made It: Then the collections of similar stories must come together into chapters that can be truly meaningful and helpful.

In a monthly report, like those I’ve written, it seems a dull journal of challenges at best, veiled complaints and occasional successes (clouded by more challenges and problems). Is this what I read on the other CMI blogs? Kind of. In fact, not too many people continue to write them, and I think it is because (1) it is one more thing to handle on an already full plate (2) the pressure of recording something of meaning (when the endless details of meaningfulness crowd the head) is daunting and (3) it’s painful to review the same issues month after month, leading towards the inevitable feeling of futility (i.e. God! I had the same problems last year…).

I read the E Myth many years ago. I’ll use Michael Gerber’s words here: I’ve spent over 20 years becoming a doctor and refining the Technical Aspect of my work….and I became the master technician. I’m great at what I do. I’ve spent (seriously, since 1999, I guess, after dabbling for the nine years before) years defining the Managerial Aspect of my work….became (despite myself) a good enough manager. I can handle most managerial challenges with grace, dignity and integrity, and still come out okay in “business” (i.e. not going bankrupt and even making a profit). Now, I’ve spent a little over four years (since Christmas, 2004) working on the Entrepreneurial Aspect of my work. The problem is, the speed of the streamlining, prioritizing and delegating (the necessity for the budding entrepreneur) is, well, hardly existent, evident by the slow growth of my business. The proof of my ability to act as an entrepreneur is in my growth, yes? Growing is something I expect in general…and I’ve done it…but so slowly. Growing as an entrepreneur whose got-it-together must feel different (it must). It must be more of something. It must feel different. It must be something different than what I am experiencing, anyway. It can’t be simply taking on more and more work. It’s got to be smarter (than what I am doing).

Building my consulting business was much easier. Find clients. Schedule clients. Help clients. Charge clients. Get paid. Get return clients. Get referrals. It was me and the client. One after the other. Consulting. Teaching. Consulting. Teaching. There was even enough time to be a mom, own my business and practice my doctor work! I stopped growing my consulting practice about 36 months ago, thinking I’d put all of my effort towards growing UHI. I could always go back to consulting, I knew. And, teaching for John Demartini (here and there in London and Paris – woo!) plus offering my classes gave me satisfaction with my main consulting tool (Demartini Method). I thought I had it all solved! I thought I’d make it Even Easier!

Wrong. I thought removing the bulk of the consulting would give me more time, for one. For two, I would somehow simplify UHI when all of my attention was there (and not split)! However, I may have been wrong. Things are different with this larger service business (than the smaller one-on-one consulting gig). The complications are greater. The streamlining is markedly more challenging. More people make it, simply, more work. For THREE: I left out the fact that it actually does require more money to simplify. Is anyone else out there finding this true? Right. It takes money.

Anyway, here I am. It has been a bit over four years since I won the M3 Award. UHI has grown. Some things are better. However, I am not satisfied with the Way Things Are. My company has so much to offer. So much that is timely. So much potential. Yet, here I am – “Chief” – stuck in the tsunami of the daily grind, trying to figure out how to get out of this suction of a tumbling whooshing pattern. All over my office I have my Words of Wisdom! “Create Success: Prioritize. Streamline. Delegate.” I’m lost in the in-between words (that shouldn’t be there), whatever they are.

Entrepreneurs appreciated: I have a great deal of respect for Entrepreneurs, particularly those who have done so well, grown their businesses and Made It Happen. They are my heroes. At this point in my life, I really get why great CEOs earn what they do. They should. Building a business is not for the faint-hearted. Great Entrepreneurial Talent takes boatloads of creativity, genius and courage - and insight and intuition – and the tough sharpness and savvy of something-like-a-whaleship’s-confident-captain who has Sailed It All, and still got his Goods and his crew.

I wonder if there ever was (or could be) and entrepreneur who went with the flow; in other words, didn’t feel like he or she was pushing Up Hill all the time. I read Entrepreneur Magazine and often marvel at some of the stories about people who (seem to) simply have had great timing. Am I silly wishing for Good Timing Karma? Is the God of Entrepreneurs going to give me an audience? Is it shameful for a self-proclaimed Entrepreneur to ask such questions? Does it give me away as a pretend-Entrepreneur…talk without substance? I am supposed to be so focused there’s no time for fear, self-doubt, or worry, right? I’m supposed to revel in the struggle, right?

So, to my Fella M3ers, I’ll admit: Something is missing. I’m not sure what. So I begin the examination and diagnostic process, then I’ll move into the Entrepreneurial Treatment Plan. Now my attention goes outward to find like-minded people to find out how they’ve Done It. Surely someone will offer up the right specialist in Entrepreneurial Care, someone who will give me a diagnosis…so at least I’ll know what to treat.